by Kate Kreiman
Step 1
Open your laptop, get into your word processing program of choice, and type the three words you’ve had buzzing around in your head for hours that you know will be something good. Just dump them out as the mess they are in your head. Don’t worry about formatting, capitalization, any of it. Just. Get. Them. Out.
Step 2
Sit and stare at your mostly blank screen for at least ten minutes. Longer is encouraged, but not required. Once you’ve convinced yourself those three words are absolute garbage, backspace and begin to write something completely different. While you’re doing this, be sure to keep bugging yourself about your original idea over and over again until you hate it. Really make sure you’ll never type that combination of letters again.
Step 3
Very suspiciously keep your writing away from the sight of any human person. If, say, your friend or significant other or a friendly coffee shop patron walks within a two foot radius, quickly bring up that extra tab with an NPR article about genetic diversity of crops that you keep open at all times. Be very fast and make sure to smile sheepishly as they go. NO ONE can see what you have so far.
Step 4
Make LOTS of weird noises of displeasure while you write. Sighing, cringing, anything will do. Really pull the sounds of discomfort from deep within your soul. Extra points if you include body movements like head shakes, putting your head in your hands, or closing your eyes frequently.
Step 5
“Hold down the backspace key until it feels right.”
Erase at least 200 words of what you have so far in an angry panic. Hold down the backspace key until it feels right. Don’t worry if you’ve gone too far; the next step will take care of it.
Step 6
Hit undo repeatedly until all the words you deleted are back. No judgement.
Step 7
Get into your groove and write something really witty, really insightful, and truly great. You know you can and you know you will. Even with all of the self-doubt looming, taking the words in your head and your heart and putting them on the screen is the thing you one-hundred percent know how to do. Just be brave.
Step 8
Find an editor. Don’t choose someone who will tell you they love it regardless of the skill (no moms, significant others, friends who are too nice to call you on your crap). Choose the person who very sternly but with care tells you exactly what is wrong with your work. Be real with yourself, and trust that your editor is being real with you, too. This is one of the most important steps.
Step 9
““You are worth sharing with the world.””
Publish it. Ignore the anxiety. Ignore the fear. Take the final leap and put yourself and your work out into the world. Know that you will have people who hate it. You will have people who don’t even care it exists. But also know you are worth trying. You are worth sharing with the world.
Step 10
Regardless of the outcome, celebrate with yourself a little. Get some ice cream, tell your friends, buy yourself a new notebook even though you have a whole shelf of unused ones at home. You did it, and the next time it will get a little easier. So don’t give up.
Kate Kreiman is a writer and avid Oxford comma supporter working in marketing and higher education in Kansas. Her hobbies are tea drinking, embroidery, and trying (usually unsuccessfully) to keep her beloved houseplants alive. Kate’s favorite genres, both to read and write, are poetry and informal essays.